Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

How do you handle your mother-in-law after you heard her talking badly about you in the next room?

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I can count

Is it painful for men to wear bras, panties, and tampons?

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

Why do so many 18 to 29-year-old men struggle in dating?

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

How will the article end in Part III of Gleissner's hit piece?

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

Mario Kart World wouldn’t be in the running for Game of the Year even if it was perfect - polygon.com

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I have complete contempt for fakery

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

Is there a stereotype that South Indians are physically strong and muscular compared to other regions of India?

I have a reading level above third grade

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

What are some downsides to living in Newfoundland and Labrador (besides the weather)?

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

Can CCTV cameras be integrated with other sensor technologies for enhanced security solutions? If so, how?

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I actually pay taxes

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I think that being gay is wrong, but I treat gay people respectfully like any other person. Is it homophobic? Or offensive in any kind of way? Aren’t disagreement and discrimination two different things?

I don’t cotton to rapists

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I see through liars

Why do so many people seem to hate Nickelback? They're competent and entertaining, and while they certainly aren't the absolute best music, they're still a fun listen.

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

Why is it important for Hollywood celebrities to come out against Trump?

I can read

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

How do professional musicians handle their equipment during gigs? Do they bring their own or use the venue's sound system?

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

Why did the Soviet Jews hate the Soviet Union?

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I know who the president of Turkey really is

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I don’t buy bullshit

I understand how hurricane paths work

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write